Sunday, January 30, 2011

Examining the Past

I remembered back when I was very young, probably not more than 5, when I developed my shampoo obsessions. I'll never remember exactly what opened my eyes to it, but I do have some memories.

One memory is when I would imagine a bunch of guys - male characters from movies I'd been watching - standing around a bathtub, washing my hair, though I couldn't see myself in the vision, just the guys around me. I'd ask them to stop and there'd be a collective "awwww" followed by one guy asking "just a little bit more?"

Sketchy as hell, I know.

Other images I had involved being kidnapped by someone wanting to wash my hair, or being chased. I thought it was odd that I'd be afraid of someone washing my hair, and nowadays I think it's very weird that that's what I thought a kidnapper would do, rather than rape or kill me, two acts I couldn't even imagine when I was a kid. I didn't know what rape or sex were until I was about 8, and I had no knowledge of sexual pleasure, just the pleasure I imagined I'd get from having my hair washed, and the weird idea that some guy might want to do it to me without me wanting it.

In my own way, I had already begun to conceive notions of rape, consent, and gender roles in acts of pleasure.


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  2. I actually don't have msn, and I'll be honest, in general I'm very wary of private contact with guys regarding this topic, so I avoid it as a general rule.

  3. that's understandable and a pretty wise move. I have the same feelings for this and the first time I wrote about it, within about 15 minutes of introducing myself, about 1000 middle aged guys on started asking me where i lived and whether i would like some "lathery fun with them"! not nice! :S